i have been trying to forget you

since i met you

but no matter how hard i try

to erase you

you get stronger

as if me trying to rub you out

has you take root deeper in me

sometimes when i look into your eyes

i wonder if i crave destruction

because i can already see

the tears i will cry

and how i will fracture

when you realize

it’s not me

with you i remember

what it was like to believe

i remember when words meant something

and forever wasn’t an impossibility

and i find myself wishing i wasn’t me

i find myself wishing

i was the girl i used to be

who lived on longing

and tasted truth as lips meet

and then i think

wait…

what if I’m wrong

i have been wrong before

in fact mostly

and what if this is just terror

because i don’t know

how many more times

i can believe

i don’t know how many more times

i can bear to open

and let you take home in me

knowing you can leave

knowing you might leave

because while i do believe

love is limitless

and i know i could

share all with you

i don’t know

if i can bear

to be mistaken again

and I don’t want

to break again

and so i find myself

living in-between

it’s disappointing to see

all the places

i let damage

become me

but i am no longer

ashamed of my scars

they are treasured reminders

that i know to heal

they are forever reminders

that i was stronger

than what tried to hurt me

and i look back

letting his eyes meet mine again

feeling into how wrong i might be

feeling into the love

just below the fear

and i remember

what i have always known

i will always let curiosity lead

i will always make room for a love story

i will always feel my heart

and let it guide me

trusting i will eventually

find myself

in someone

who loves like me

so someday

i get to tell the story

of how i healed

this part of me

with you